101 things to do the day before the world ends on December 21, 2012

Will the world end on December 21, 2012? Nostradmus said so, and that Mayan clock doesn’t have a winder, so we all know that the world is going to end on December 21, 2012 and apparently there’s nothing we can do about it so we may just suck it up and enjoy the days left to us. While I will continue to write on the web and hopefully produce my millionth article just prior to the End of Days, I decided that I’d create a list of 101 things I will do on my last day on this earth!

So here goes (no particular order):

1) Streak – I’ve always been a little bit of an exhibitionist, so what better way to celebrate the apocalypse by streaking through the streets of my local town. At the end of the day, what can the police do about it, they are going to be so busy dealing with looters, and perhaps alien invaders that one streaker isn’t going to be notices! Now many nasty people out there may claim that the sight of me streaking may actually cause mass panic, resulting in people jumping up and down together in fear, and thus cracking the Earth in two – voila, SimeyC causes the end of the world!

2) Kiss and hug all my loved ones – well some of this may have to be virtual hugs as I’m from the UK and my father and brother (and family), Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, Nephews and possibly a few children I don’t know about are not in the US. But for the family that remains, they’ll get a nice big kiss and cuddle from me.

3) Tell everyone exactly what I think about them – and I mean EXACTLY! It doesn’t matter if it’s my wife, my children or my boss – what’s he going to do? Fire me? With the freedom of knowing that there will be no consequences of my actions, I’ll simply let lose. Actually I’d only say nice things about my boss…don’t want to get fired before December 20, 2012…who knows who’s going to read this!

4) Pray to God – OK so I’m agnostic, but perhaps a little prayer a few minutes before judgment day might go a long way in getting me past the pearly gates (if they exist).

5) Burn my underwear in protest of the unfair treatment of humanity – heck it’s simply poor form to end the world before we’ve colonized another planet and I for one will let those who are doing the destroying that I’m not particularly happy about it.

6) Party like it’s 1999 – or 1699 for that matter! You can bet that there’s going to be one heck of a party going on all around the world as we wait for Armageddon. So I’m going to borrow an Amish buggy and ride to all the bars and clubs I can find!

7) Spend all my money – I’ll buy every gadget I ever wanted and even some I never wanted (iPod, iPad etc.) – I’ll empty my bank account and use up the remaining balances on my credit cards – I’m sure that even the debt collectors are not exempt from Armageddon!

8) Be politically incorrect!!! I’ll probably end up insulting every race, culture, age group, minority etc by doing this, but I’ll be darned if I’m going to continue to bow down and have to watch every word I say – I’ll say Merry Christmas to every Jew, Muslim, Agnostic, Anarchistic, Buddhist, Jehovah’s witness, Christian even if they are blind, death, dumb, have one leg and green skin and were born in Outer Mongolia.

9) Email all my Nigerian cousins and ask them why all my Uncles are dying and leaving me millions of dollars!

10) Visit all the places I said I should visit over the last few years! Believe it or not I’ve lived an hour away from New York for 15 years and only actually been to one or two locations within the city – so that Amish Buggy is going to help me zip around some of the sites in New York; I’ll climb the Empire State Building (on the outside wearing a Gorilla Outfit); I’ll dance on the famous piano in the F A O Schwartz, I’ll get a cab driver to speed through the streets looking for Wall Street – and I’ll try and light a cigar on the lamp of the Statue of Liberty

11) Cry at the movies – I’ll be a true man and show my emotions as I watch a soppy movie – luckily I’ll only have a day to be ridiculed by my manly friends!

12) You know that big piece of cake that I’m supposed to leave on the plate as it’s polite to take the smallest piece? Well it’s mine – so hands off! My mother brought me up well, but for one day politeness goes out the window!

13) Throw out my bucket list – I’ve managed about three items out of fifty so there’s no way I’m going to complete it now, so I may as well make a nice paper airplane to throw off the statue of liberty.

14) Sit down and contemplate all the mistakes I have made, the pain I’ve caused, the errors of my ways and the lies I’ve told, however long it takes – hmmm – not sure if a day is enough for that!

15) Fart in church – probably just after I’ve said that prayer.

16) Make a lot of noise in the Library!

17) Talk with my mouth full – well it is a big piece of cake after all!

18) Sit down and contemplate all the things I have accomplished in life, the people I have helped, the good things I have done etc, however long it takes – so that should be five seconds wasted.

19) Return all the Christmas presents my wife bought throughout the year – what’s the point in keeping them, there won’t be a Christmas day – the world just ended DOH

20) Wear my underwear on the outside of my pants – if Superman can do it, so can I!

21) Open all the cages at the zoo and let all the animals go free, they deserve to enjoy their last day on the planet too….awww look at the nice tiger, umm look at the tiger…..ummmmm….ROOOOOOOOOAR!

22) Touch everything that has the sign ‘Do not touch’ in the museum.

23) Go and pee in the ladies bathroom – heck every concert I have been to the ladies come into the men’s bathroom!

24) Get a tattoo that says ‘The end of the world doesn’t scare me’

25) Buy a video camera so I can record the end of the world and post it on youtube.hvn or youtube.hll

26) Go fill my gas tank without worrying about being able to pay the rest of my monthly bills

27) Go out without a jacket on – even if I have a cold! HAH!

28) Change my Facebook Status to “So long and thanks for all the fish” – and then wonder how many of my FB friend will get my Douglas Adams reference!

29) Order 4,500 pizzas and give one to every stranger I meet. Hope they all like pepperoni!

30) Call the President and ask if there are any seats left on Spaceship 1 – you know there must be an escape plan ready for the elite!

31) Wear a red nose and poke my tongue out at every child I see and then smile – hopefully this’ll spread a little joy and happiness as an adult acts very silly!

32) Go into a restaurant, order an expensive meal, leave money to pay for the meal and then climb out of the bathroom window without eating the meal!

33) Bet $1000 that the Mets will win the world series; hang on I’d probably get better odds betting on whether the World will end or not.

34) Roll on the floor shouting LOL LOL LOL LOL (ROFL) – not quite sure if I can do the ‘MAO’ part so I’m not even going to try!

35) Answer all the unanswered questions that have intrigued the masses over the last few years. What is the meaning of life? Is Michael Jackson alive? Are there aliens? Who will win American Idol after the world is destroyed? These profound questions have perplexed the generations, and I can conclusively give answers to all of these and more – and guess what? No one can prove me wrong!

36) Wear a pocket protector – didn’t someone say the Geek shall inherit the Earth?

37) When someone ask me ‘Hi, how are you?’, tell them exactly how I am – my joints ache, my feet hurt, I have heart burn, I’m scared of dying etc.

38) Wear a thong and low pants – now that is a site for sore eyes on the eve of the end of the world!

39) Apologize to everyone that I should apologize to!

40) Pay for a hotel and a meal for as many homeless people as I can afford!

41) Leave the toilet seat up! After years of being polite to woman-kind and being a perfect gentleman for all that time, I’m going to go and have a pee and leave the toilet seat up! OK so women all over the world will probably never talk to me again, but at least it’s only for a day.

42) Throw eggs at the kids on the school bus! My car has been hit by dozens of eggs on the last day of school over the years, enough to make a nice omelet – so it’s payback time kids!

43) Call all the telemarketers at dinner time and ask them if they have time to take a survey about the end of the world.

44) Buy an airline ticket for my suitcase and see if it is charged a fee for a carry-on person!

45) Eat the last Rolo all by myself – OK so maybe I’d share it with my wife! (Sorry you have to be British to understand this one!).

46) Wear pink spandex and a head band and dance around as if I was Olivia Newton John – bring back the 80s they were sooooo cool!

47) Pick my nose and eat it - in public!! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!

48) Do a (G-rated) pole dance on the subway in NY

49) Hang a sign around my neck that says "Hug me if you don't want to die tomorrow" and see how many hugs I can get.

50) Hang a sign around my neck that says "Give me a dollar if you don't want to die tomorrow" - maybe I can become a millionaire just as the world ends!

51) Hang a sign around my neck that says "I don't have mad cows disease, I'm Charlie Sheen" - *grin* not sure if I'm insulting mad cows or Charlie Sheen with this one!

52) Try and spin my car backwards into a parking space like they do on TV.

53) Go into Starbucks, go to the counter and pay for the next 100 customers in advance.

54) Step on all the cracks in the pavement - at this point it doesn't matter if it breaks my mother's back - Armaggedon is a great healer....umm...in a way!

55) Drive through town with my windows down blasting the theme tune to Fame...."I'm gonna live forever. I'm gonna learn how to fly--high"

56) Visit the seven wonders of the ancient world - actually I only need to go to six of them as I've been to Rhodes - wonder if they realize the Colossus isn't there anymore? I wonder also if someone wants to lend me a very fast Jet Airplane!

57) Go into Space - Richard Branson is selling tickets for space flight for a mere $20,000,000 - wonder what my credit card limit is!

58) While we're talking about Richard Branson, I'd ask him why we'd want to fly on Virgin Atlantic - surely it's dangerous to get on a plane that doesn't go all the way? *grin*

59) I'd ask random people whether they say tom-ay-to or toma-ar-to! Then follow up with pota-ay-to and pot-ar-to!

60) I'd have a New York Strip Steak in New York, a Philadelphia chees steak in Philadelphia and a Boston Creme donut in Boston.

61) Find the guy who has the ‘End of the World is Nigh’ sign around his neck, shake his hand and tell how sorry we are for not believing him!

62) Hire an entourage, wear a cool suit, dark glasses and drive around in a limo – count the number of people who ask me for an autograph.

63) Get plastic surgery and make myself uglier – yeah, like that is possible!

64) Get a height implant – I’m 5’5” – I’ve always wanted to be 6’6” – so a few bone implants here and there should do the trick!

65) PIMP MY RIDE – what better way to drive off into oblivion than installing huge speakers, cool lights, some amazing suspension and a bright-green paint job on my Nissan Altima Coupe – end of days, here we come in style!

66) I won’t panic – wow a third reference to Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy! I’ll get my trusty towel, wear my best dressing gown and calmly wait to be picked up by a passing space ship just moments before the earth is destroyed to make way for the opening of the new Universe-Burger joint – where you can get the best burger in the galaxy – honest!

67) Visit the Rock and Roll hall of fame and chisel in Rush into the inductee wall – I guess vandalism is the only way Rush will ever get in – perhaps even the end of the world won’t help them!

68) Walk up to every fireman and policeman and thank them for their diligence and hard work over the years – not sure why it takes the apocalypse to make me appreciate them and thank them though – this should be something that is done every day of the week.

69) Tell every old person I meet that they were right – things ARE so much easier these days, heck back in their day they had to walk up the hill in snow with no boots on to watch Armageddon – we have it so easy now, Armageddon just comes along without us having to work for it!

70) Let my kids stay up late – umm hang on they will be over 21 – let my grandchild stay up late and watch cartoons all night!

71) I’m going to leave all the lights on in the house – the years of running around turning them off after my kids has finally warn me down – what a rebel I am eh?

72) I'd put my favorite Rush song (Tom Sawyer) on my mp3 player, repeat it 100 times and walk around singing at the top of my voice - wonder how many people will join in? Wonder how many people will throw tomatoes at me?

73) Put up a large electric fence around my house and declare independence from the USA – all hail King SimeyC  I of SimeyLand!

74) Arrange for a town wide Nerf gun war – you know how cool that would be? Men v Women sounds like a plan to me!

75) Put all my money on red in Atlantic city – well what’s left of my money after everything else I’ve done with it!

76) Video all the silly things other people are doing – if the world happens to survive destruction on December 21, 2012, I’ll have a lot of material for Youtube, or for bribery!

77) Play ‘I’ve had the time of my life’ and dance a final dance with my beautiful wife – bet you didn’t expect me to put a serious ‘thing to do’ in here, did you?

78) Thank the local Chinese restaurant owners for the hundreds of wonderful meals they’ve provided me!

79) Walk in to my local bank and ask for ten thousand dollars in pennies – then take out a random number of them and re-deposit the remaining pennies thus making the bank recount them all! That’s payback for all the charges I’ve incurred for simply taking out my own money from an ATM.

80) Make up an impromptu rap and perform it in Central Park in New York (or Hyde Park in London)….or not!

81) Try and contact Michael Stipes and ask him if it really is ‘The end of the world as we know it’

82) Reminisce about the show Space 1999 and wonder if the moon will survive the apocalypse. If it does, I’ll also wonder whether there’s any way to get my wife and kids, me, fifty thousand tins of baked beans, a hundred thousand cans of Guinness and 50 years Oxygen supply up there before it is too late.

83) Wonder if the saying ‘To boldly go where no man has gone before’ suddenly has a new and profound meaning! Split infinitives aside, this is one of the most memorable sayings from any TV show.

84) Pretend to be stuck in some revolving doors and see if anyone tries to help me!

85) Go into Toys-R-Us and ride a bicycle around the store until they throw me out.

86) Eat a can of cat food – my cats go crazy when I put it down, so it can’t be that bad surely? Can it? Seriously?

87) Go into Walmart and ask them if they sell cans of whoop-ass!

88) Start talking in an English accent to everyone – pip-pip cheerio – hang on, I’m English – I already do that!

89) Go to the local playground and see if I can swing a full 360 degrees – never could when I was a kid!

90) Dress up as Kermit the Frog – I’ve always wanted to know if it really is ‘not easy being green’ [PIC]

91) Call out sick from work with a case of End of Days Blues.

92) Sing Def Leppard’s Armageddon It at every opportunity – not sure why this seems appropriate?

93) Ask all the Christians “What happened to the second coming of Christ?”  What? He’s the bearded guy piloting the space-ship that will destroy the planet? *grin* sorry, had to be sacrilegious at least once in this list.

94) Go to Las Vegas and marry Bella – my Chihuahua – she loves me sooo much!

95) Finally decide if I like Jacob or Edward!

96) Buy one gallon of gasoline and insist on getting my 0.1c change!

97) Ask the Dollar store owner why all his products cost more than a dollar when you add sales tax to them!

98) Send everyone who leaves a funny comment on this page a check for $100. *

99) Send everyone who shares this on Twitter a check for $1,000.*

100) Send everyone who shares this page on Facebook a check for $10,000.*

101) And finally, just before I do any of the above, I will really make sure that the world is going to end on December 21, 2012 – I’m going to look pretty darned silly if it doesn’t; I’m also going to be in a lot of financial trouble!

* Disclaimer – while I may send you a check, there’s no guarantee that the check won’t be one of those hi-tech rubber checks that bounce so high they’ll probably enter orbit around the rubble that is left of the Earth after the End of Days.

So there you have it, one hundred and one things to do the day before the world ends. Now I realize there are millions of other things you could do, so feel free to add your ideas in the comments section. Before you do any of the above, you might also want to read the websites below that cast some doubt on the End of Days scenarios: